The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
