3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
