Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
