Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
