There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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