I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
