I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
