hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
