Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
