I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
