Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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