i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
