so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
