Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Randomize
