What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
