soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
