The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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