she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize