I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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