Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
