I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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