Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
