Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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