to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
