I just saw a hot homeless man
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
