I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize