Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Randomize
