hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
try to milk me bitch
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
