he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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