One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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