Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
