please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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