He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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