Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
So vagazzling was a success
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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