my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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