I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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