I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize