nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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