If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
