you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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