Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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