Your tits are I can't wait for
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
