D3 body, D1 cock
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
