So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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