There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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