im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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