I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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