I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
