maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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