alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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