my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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