I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
