Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
