please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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