He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize