Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
