I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
