Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Randomize
