so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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