who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
