she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
