i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
