I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Michael Bay diarrhea
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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