How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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